It’s Pie Time

I don’t know why Taylor and I developed this weird fixation with baking a pie (tbh it was probably when we were watching Twin Peaks). We kept putting it off though, since neither of us had ever baked one before and it seemed complicated (crust and filling? what is this?). After picking up some blackberries at the farmer’s market last weekend I decided it was time to finally have at it, so I picked a recipe to bungle and got lots of advice from some very smart ladies, especially one amazing woman who facebook messaged me detailed crust instructions as long as my arm.

The filling was easily- well, except for the part about peeling, coring and slicing SIX apples. The recipe called for 2 1/2 lbs of them, which is what we used, but it seemed like an absurd amount! I had to mix this up in the biggest bowl in my house and I didn’t even end up using it all- it literally WOULD NOT FIT in the pie plate!

As you can see, I was much more apprehensive about the pastry. Everyone drilled into my head DON’T LET THE BUTTER (or in this case, half butter half shortening) MELT! DON’T ROLL IT OUT TOO MUCH! DON’T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT FOLLOW THESE PRECISE INSTRUCTIONS OR YOU WILL FAIL AT FLAKINESS!!! It was very nerve-wracking, and I think I was so worried about the state of the butter/shortening that I didn’t put enough water in. Oops.

The bottom crust turned out alright (please note my supercool apron), but the top tore to shreds when I tried to move it to the pie. I ended up using the scraps to patch up the gaps, using eggwash and a fork. The result:

FRANKENPIE! I also cut a jaunty little star out of the top, lol. Next came the endless waiting for it to bake- I had NO IDEA a pie could take so long! Cakes take less than half an hour, what’s your damage, pie? This was especially annoying since we didn’t know whether the end result would be a) hideous yet delicious, or b) hideous and also inedible.

Well, we have the hideous down. I like the part where I completely missed with the eggwash, haha. But who cares! We made a pie!

It was distinctly lacking in structural integrity. But what this?

Flakiness?! WHY YES IT IS. Additionally, this pie was, in fact, delicious. Even the world’s surliest child enjoyed it.

Really, she enjoyed it. You just can’t tell in photographs. Anyway, Taylor and I consider this attempt at baking a success, and the fact that there is only 1/3 of the pie left is a testament to the deliciousness.

VALUABLE PIE LESSONS:
1. Baking pie takes eight billion years. It would have been better to make the pastry beforehand and leave it in the fridge overnight.
2. Maybe use a little more water in the pastry next time so it doesn’t fall to pieces when you are trying to move it.
3. Did I mention it takes a long time? Be sure to allow for that. I was going to make brown sugar pork chops and roasted potatoes for dinner but I had to rethink that when I realized the pie wouldn’t be out of the oven until six o’clock.